Happenstance brought me to the Washington Capitals game the day I was brought on by the Wing Diary to cover the chicken game of our nation’s capital. The Verizon Center, in the heart of Chinatown seemed like a good place to start. Walk in the right direction in this neighborhood and you may see dead birds hanging in store- front’s—a glimpse of the old Chinatown before health inspectors and gentrification and something to get you in the chicken wing eating mood. I was not at one of these fine establishments, however I was polishing the oak with my shirtsleeves at The Greene Turtle bar and grille.

The Greene Turtle has strong DC roots. In the early days their humping turtle t-shirts were marketing genius. Every bro from Baltimore to Ocean City down to DC had or wanted one of these. Taking up new digs at the Verizon Center and catering to a more wholesome audience (some of the time) The Greene Turtle has moved away from those vivacious turtles as mascots. But I believe a strong correlation lies between those that might wear a t-shirt with coitus performing turtles and an appreciation for good wings.

As the first period got underway against the Toronto Maple Leafs I was busy testing my wing theory. I choose all wrong, I’ll admit, I bypassed the Old Bay wings—Mid-Atlantic heresy—and went with the “kinda hot” and “Chipotle” flavors.

I’m not huge into spice. The 2013 Institute of Food Technologists annual meeting, according to NBC, came out with a study that says risk takers are spice fans. Anecdotally I’ve heard that spice lovers also make for better actual lovers. Based on my wing taste it seems like I’m a guy that really would rather enjoy well thought out, pleasing yet prompt missionary relations. I don’t know how I feel about that. The turtles of old Greene Turtle fame, haphazardly going at it and definitely spice lovers—not so, and it is then fitting that their “kinda hot” is actually hot as fiery hell. The wing meat was standard, nothing special there although the crisp factor was on point. I respect the crisp factor a great deal. The Chipotle was sweet and could have used more bite. It’s a tough balance to strike—you can’t be too sweet and can’t be too spicy.

I expected much more from the Greene Turtle wings. Not that anything was quite wrong, it simply wasn’t just right. I’ve got to hand it to the cook—excellent crisp. On another day with another order it might be different but GT get’s a 6 out 10 for their performance.